


End it?

by F0rg0tten_Playh0use



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depression, M/M, Mental Illness, Open to suggestions, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, triggers everywhere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-02
Updated: 2013-11-01
Packaged: 2017-12-31 04:18:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1027147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/F0rg0tten_Playh0use/pseuds/F0rg0tten_Playh0use
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His arms had one long, wide white scar on each, suicide attempts. It’s not his fucking fault, he didn't want to handle it anymore. But his dad walked in, and freaked the fuck out, called 911, they brought him to the hospital, diagnosed him with bipolar 2 disorder, and shipped him here, saying he wasn’t stable enough. He shifted his eyes to the bed next to him, it’s been empty since he got here. There was no sheets or blankets on it, just the plain mattress with the plastic slip cover.<br/>----------<br/>In which Sollux is hospitalized for Bi-polar disorder, and many of the characters are there as well, either as patients or staff. Karkat is placed in the same hospital for depression and self-harm, and he becomes Solluxs roommate. Eventual Solkat</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The boy sat alone, in his room. He had his eyes hidden behind dirty blond hair. Eyes that weren’t really like anyone elses, he thought of them as a sick joke, one was a dark brown, the other an ocean blue.

There were noises and whispering outside his door, there always were. The nurses loved to gossip in the hallways. He used to listen in, but now, it just makes him sick. How the hell do they talk about the patients they’re supposed to help get better like they were some shitty T.V. show?

It doesn’t matter though, he brought his knees to his chest, his jeans were starting to get too big, he hasn’t been eating well since he got here a few months ago, at least they let him where his own clothes.

His arms had one long, wide white scar on each, suicide attempts. It’s not his fucking fault, he didn’t want to handle it anymore. But his dad walked in, and freaked the fuck out, called 911, they brought him to the hospital, diagnosed him with bipolar 2 disorder, and shipped him here, saying he wasn’t stable enough. He shifted his eyes to the bed next to him, it’s been empty since he got here. There was no sheets or blankets on it, just the plain mattress with the plastic slip cover.

His own bed had white sheets, two crappy pillows, and two scratchy blankets. They said they’d bring him another one if he asked, but they made sure to keep the heat up really high, since it was winter. It’s too bad he can’t open his window to cool down once in a while.

There’s a brisk knock at the door, before he can even say anything a slightly chubby nurse walks in, her hello kitty scrubs fading. That’s one thing about being in a “children's” ward, all the nurses had some childish design on their scrubs. Even though you could be kept there until your 21st birthday. Although, that only happened if you were there before, they never put twenty year olds in here fresh off the bat, the oldest that had been put in there since the boy was there was nineteen, and he didn’t stay long.

“Sollux, honey, it’s free time now. Would you like to come out?”

Her voice was sugary sweet, yet so fake at the same time.

“ No, thinth when do I ever have free time?”

He snaps back, nails digging into his own hand slightly from annoyance at his own lisp.

“Just checking, anyway, we would like to talk to you. So may I come in?”

“Even if i thay no, it’ll jutht go on my record and you’ll come in anyway.”

She steps forward, frowning slightly at his rudeness, and goes to sit on the bed.

“Are we still in a bad mood? Would you like to talk to someone? You don’t have any plans to hurt yourself do you?”

The boy, Sollux, twitches slightly in annoyance at her flood of questions.

“Why the fuck would i hurt mythelf?! Thatth jutht thtupid!”

She reaches out to his wrist and he pulls back angrily.

“That ithn’t me hurting mythelf! That’th me saying ‘fuck thith thit I don’t wanna deal with it anymore, goodbye’!”

She frowns heavily.

“Sollux, sweetie, if you keep talking like that you’re going to have to stay here longer.”

He scoffs, knowing damn well he was gonna be there for awhile as it was.

“You wanted to talk to me, tho talk. Hurry up tho you can get out of here and leave me alone. I really don’t want to deal with you’re fake ath nithe act.”

The nurse bites her lip in irritation and takes a deep breath.

“Your counselor here is becoming very worried about you, Sollux. You are acting extremely antisocial, and when you agree to talk to someone you are very rude. So she has decided that it will be in your best interest if we gave you a new roommate. He will be arriving in a week. I’m sure he’s a very nice boy, and from reading his file, I can’t disclose much, but you two seem to have similar issues.”

Sollux frowns deeply, his chapped lips splitting a little and he can taste a small amount of blood.

“Also, she is requiring that you be more social, you must participate in the twice weekly group sessions, you must go out of your room for free time, and you mustn’t sit by yourself during lunch hours. If you do then she is going to be meeting with you on a daily basis, possibly multiple times a day. Do I make myself clear?”

He shoots her a glare and stands up, ready to set foot outside his room for one of the first times, besides meals. It’s not that he minded his counselor, she was kind of a sarcastic bitch, put things bluntly and made a lot of jokes, but that didn’t mean he wanted to spend every waking hour with her.

“Fine, I get it, let’th jutht get thith over with so I can come back here and thleep.”

He steps past the door and maneuvers through the halls, having memorized the basic placement of things during his tour. He can hear his door shut and lock, and the footfalls of the nurse behind him.

He keeps his hair in front his face and his head tilted down to look at the ground. His hands are shoved in the pockets of his jeans, and he pretty much is dragging his socked feet across the ground.

The boy is tall, standing about 5’10”, but he’s nowhere near well built, he’s thin, not because he doesn't eat, but he just doesn’t gain weight, his ribs are clearly prominent. Although the people in the hospital seem to think he has some form of eating disorder, simply because the food there is gross, and he’s losing a lot of weight. His counselor, or clinician\therapist whatever you wanted to call her, knew better and ignored them when they brought it up to him. She would actually bring him fast food and chips sometimes, if he complied to his treatment, and he would scarf it down fast.

He actually enjoyed meeting with his counselor, they would sit around and talk about random stuff, like video games, which she knew a lot about from her younger brother, just like any therapist though they try not to talk about their personal lives, he just knows she’s really young, she took her college classes early, during highschool, and had graduated a couple of years after her high school graduation. Although lately the staff has been complaining to her about him, so they actually do treatment, and she’ll trick him into revealing something he doesn’t want to sometimes.

Eventually he descends down a flight of stairs and arrives in the basement, which largely consisted of the “play room”.

The room had soft yellow walls with a jungle scene, complete with animals, on the back wall. The carpet was a dingy brown, covered in various stains, and it wasn’t so soft. There were a couple of pleather couches and chairs facing towards a large, but old, T.V., T.V. time was highly monitored, they had a few movies on hand they’d put in, mostly little kid movies with a few documentaries, although every now and then if they got a really nice staff a movie would be rented. There was also an xbox 360 and PS3, which were only there because someone donated it for christmas sometime ago, but all the games were E-rated, either dealing with work out and dancing, and a couple of scratched up sport games.

There were two small round wooden tables, with uncomfortable plastic chairs, they were covered with construction paper, safety scissors, and crayons. There were some younger kids sitting at one of the tables, and two teen girls sitting at the other. The teen girls seemed to be having more fun and making a bigger mess than the kids, who were mostly crying and fighting over colors.

Pushed against another wall were two long rectangular tables, the same plastic chairs, one had a stack of board games and cards, the other sat a boy and girl, the girl seemed unusually happy, and actually sent Sollux a charming smile as he walked in, and the boy had a sloppy grin looking kind of dazed.

A bookshelf was pushed into the corner filled with tattered books ranging from Dr.Seuss to the Hobbit, and had a really comfy looking chair next to it. There was a pretty girl sitting in the chair reading a book on ocean animals.

Near the Jungle wall was a foosball table, two boys were playing it, one with a straight face the other smiling like an idiot, although if anybody looked close enough they could see he was straining to keep that smile. Three girls were watching them, two with overly joyed expressions, the other was staring at the game intensely.

There were other kids, looking to have a range of ages, spread throughout the room as well.

There was a door off to one side by the rectangular tables. Sollux remembers it leading it to a hallway, with a bathroom and the laundry room as well as a supply closet, he was told when he first got here if he needed an art supply or craft of sort that wasn’t already out to ask a staff and they’ll check to see if they had it.

Sollux continued his trek into the room, not really sure what to do or where to go, he didn’t know anybody here, and he really didn’t feel like dealing with people, at least not now.

Before he could even think of something that wouldn’t be a total pain in the ass to do, some guy walked up to him. He had bleached hair, you could see the brown roots, with a purple-ish streak in the front of his bangs, you could easily tell he normally gelled his hair to stick up, but they won't allow you to have hair products here, including but not limited to hair straighteners, curlers, hairspray and gel, as well as makeup. The boys hair was thin, and fried from various dyes and cosmetics throughout his life. He had on glasses with black plastic frames, and he wore a loose black and grey striped t-shirt, with a purple fashion scarf, and skinny jeans. He didn’t have shoes either. Which made since, they were only allowed to have shoes when they went outside, which wasn’t gonna happen much since it was freezing and snowing out.

“Hello there, what's your name?”

He shot a flirtatious smile, and he stuttered very slightly, in fact it was barely noticeable, on the w.

Sollux blew him off and brushed past him, pausing slightly unsure of what to do now, until the girl sitting with the boy waved him over.

She had pretty short blond hair that had a slight wave at the bottom, and there was a small piece by her bangs that curled upward. As he got closer he noticed bags forming under her shimmering eyes, they were a light color and he couldn't really tell what color it was. Her lips looked soft and full, and they were pulled into a gorgeous natural smile. She was on the thinner side of the scale, but she wasn’t skinny, she had fat in the right places, giving her a nice body image over all. Her skintone was a bit pale, and there were scratch marks with small beads of blood on her left arm, as if she had been nervously clawing at it without realizing it. She had on a short jean skirt, with black leggings underneath, and a white shirt with a picture of a kitten in a tiara that read “princess” in girly cursive.

“Hey Bro, Whats all up your name? I mean, seen ya around lunch sometimes, but you never talked to anyone.”

The boys volume kind of shifted slightly during words and phrases, and his voice crackled and sounded hoarse. He too had bags under his eyes, except his were darker. His skin was tanned, and he had pink scars across his face, which made sollux slightly uncomfortable. His hair was longer for a boy, and it was a tangled mess, as if he never brushed it. His eyes were a deep brown and bloodshot, his smile was lazy and he had a small twitch in his right hand. His legs were long, and Sollux thought that if the boy stood up he’d be taller than him. He was really thin in the stomach area, similar to Sollux. He was wearing a very baggy black reaper shirt, the design was almost completely faded and there were small holes along the him and at the armpit, he also had on a pair of faded purple polka dot pajama pants that had a string tied around the waist to keep them up.

“ My name’th thollukth.”

The boy looked at him confused, noticing the speech issue and trying to figure out exactly how to say it.

“ Uh…Sol...lux?”

His words came out slow and unsure, but his smile returned when sollux nodded.

“ My name’s Roxy! It’s, like, really awesome to see a new face!”

The girl, Roxy, was charming, and her voice seemed smooth and sweet, although it hitched in places. She pointed her thumb at the boy with that same charming smile.

“ And this is Gamzee.”

He smiled his lopsided grin, and it was pretty easy to tell that he was out of it.

“ Come, pull up a chair, Solbro. We’re just all up an’ chillin’ out here and talking bout our motherfuckin’ feelin’s an’ issues ya know. Pasts and shit.”

Sollux frowns and takes a half a step back, before Roxy reaches out and grabs his wrist.  
“ Hey, you don’t really, like, have to talk about serious shit you know. We can just sit here and talk about stupid stuff, like if you ever ate glue, or what was the strangest thing you put down your pants so someone wouldn’t take it.”

Her eyes are begging, she looks fragile right now. Of course she’s fragile though, she’s locked up in a mental health clinic

Sollux let’s out a sigh before offering up a small smile and taking a seat next to Roxy.

“Yeah thure, why not. Let’th jutht talk about the random ath thit that get’th shoved down peopleth pantth.”

It was a fairly random and interesting conversation. He found out that once, when she had woken up after a night of partying, Roxy found a gecko in her bra. And Gamzee had walked around one Halloween, while he was high off his ass, in a speedo with a banana in it, although he tried to say he was being classy by wearing a bow tie.

The two had very interesting stories from when they were under the influence of various things. That was actually the main reason they were there, was because of substance abuse and dependency. They both had other little things that brought them here, but they were bonding over getting over a mutual problem.

Sollux had no clue why they were accepting him into their little get sober club, he just chalked it up to them being nice people. Which he was glad he found a couple of people that made this place seem somewhat normal, he could even feel his mood getting better. Though it probably would have done that soon anyway.

Here’s in hopes that his mood stays stable and doesn’t shift too far off the spectrum.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gamzee flips out, Dave has issues. Still no Karkat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if you don't like this chapter, want Karkat to show up, ect. Also Bulimia trigger!

“God fucking dammit! I’mma kill you motherfucker!”  
Sollux Stood in the corner, where many people have gathered. And watched. It was as if a switch had been flipped on the seemingly laid back boy he’d been talking to.

Gamzees messy hair falls into his face, he bore his teeth and was clawing at the air, a male staff holding him by the waist, shouting at the poker faced boy that was playing foosball earlier.

The boy had extremely light blond hair, softly tanned skin, and freckles were spread across his nose and over the upper portion of his cheeks. His lips were thin and chapped, and were beginning to pull into a smirk. Blood red eyes glared at Gamzee, as if challenging him. His skinny jeans were shredded in multiple areas, and his tight red shirt showed off some form of muscle underneath, be it a very light amount of muscle, still muscle. He had a white and grey striped hoodie with fake blood splatters, and he’d crossed his arms over his chest.

“ Try me, Juggaho.”

His voice was smooth, like silk, and he was clearly getting a kick out of taunting Gamzee. He stood at around 5’6”\5’7”, which was clearly nothing to the over 6 foot boy he was taunting.

 

“Lil man, shut the FUCK up!”

It was shocking how casual the staff was talking to the blond boy. In fact they looked similar. The staff had on new looking rainbowdash scrub bottoms, and a black muscle shirt, with a name tag, although Sollux couldn’t see what it said from this viewpoint. His jaw was well defined, as were the muscles that were straining to hold back the raging Gamzee. Earlier he had been wearing pointed shades, like the ones from animes, but he had removed them to reveal orange eyes. His bleach blond hair was styled up, with a few pieces falling over his forehead. His skin was tan, but still lighter than Gamzees, which appeared to be natural, and the Staffs was from years in the sun.

“ Oh come on Bro, it’s not MY fault he can’t handle a joke. Guy needs to loosen up a bit.”

“Dave Strider, don’t be a little fucking prick, you’re gonna lose your privileges again!”

The staff seemed to be worried for the blond boy, Dave, on a deeper level than a simple staff client relationship.

“Gamzee, calm down!”

A high pitch voice came from nearby Sollux. He’d reach out just in time to grab a girl by the waist in her attempt to run towards the scene.

“Whoa, what the actual fuck do you think you’re doing kid?!”

Sollux scowled at the girl as she turned to look at him. Emerald eyes brimmed with tears sat on an young and innocent looking face. Her lower lip was trembling and her cheeks were rosy, and slightly chubby. She looked so young.and helpless, but she was clearly a teenager. Her white shirt had paint stains, some splattered over the design of a roaring lion, and her army green, multi pocketed pants, seemed to be falling off her waist. There was a fluffy blue cat eared headband in her light brown hair, which looked as though it was originally fashioned to be a bob but had grown slightly and was sticking out in all directions.

“I-I want to help him!”

It was clear she wouldn’t do much good in this situation, just grazing 5’ she probably would get herself hurt, and Sollux, despite him being a self loathing jackass most the time, actually had a heart, and didn’t want this small girl to get injured.

“Nepikitty, come ‘ere.”

Roxy seemed to be keeping a leveled head, Sollux had barely noticed her beside him. In fact, the only thing he noticed in the past five minutes was a table literally getting flipped, a blond boy dodging a pair of safety scissors and various other items, and a guy that seemed amazingly laid back and happy, snap.

Roxy grabbed the smaller girls wrist gently and signalled for Sollux to let go.

The second he did she pulled away from Roxy, and bolted, surprisingly fast, into the midst of the action.

“Hey, Nep, back right back into that corner and don’t you dare come out again.”

“Shit, Kittycat, get your little ass back where it was, dammit! You don’t want to deal with any clowns. You know, the kind with a severe lack of tripping, therefore causing them to trip their happy asses off the handle and into a steaming crock pot of anger and pissing contests. You know the crockpot I’m talking about the one that…”

Nepeta ignored the Staff and Dave. Although at this point, let’s face it, it is time for everyone to ignore Dave.

“Gamzee!”

The small girl ran up to the much, much, larger boy, who seemed to look right past her towards Dave. The very same Dave that at this moment was rambling to himself.

“Dammit, Gamzee, I am taking you to the quiet room now.”

 

The staff member somehow was managing to drag a struggling Gamzee up the stairs. and Roxy had taken the position of holding Nepeta back by the waist. The tiny girl was putting up a fight, and Sollux had no clue why she wanted to chase after the angry boy, but she had her heart set on it.

A couple of minutes go by and Nepeta calms down. Roxy tells Sollux that Nepeta gets really powerful and eccentric emotions, and they tend to last awhile. He was told that’d she probably be off in a corner freaking out about Gamzee until she sees he’s better, even then it’s iffy.

Nepeta seems to be the only one that’s winding down, being unsupervised everyone else is going crazy. Dave is still mumbling to himself, judging by his hand motions he might be rapping?

The excitement immediately dies down as a women walks down the steps. She’s short, and is slightly chubby, but not fat. She has on pale blue scrubs with mustaches on them, and she’s carrying a cloth grocery bag. She has a slightly irritated look on her face, Sollux assumes it’s because she was called in early of something. She has a button nose which is tinted red at the tip, soft looking skin. Her lower lip is sticking out in a pout.

“Janey!”

Roxy yells excitedly and the other kids look happy as well.

“Oh wow Jane! Did you bring us a treat!?”

One of the girls that was watching Dave play foosball seemed to pop out of nowhere.  
Her voice was joyous, and sing song.  
Her black hair was long, falling past her waist, and the sleeves of her green sweater fell way past her hands. She wore a stiff camo skirt, which ended right at her knees, with it. Her eyes were a cheerful shade of green, seeming to match her personality. and she had slightly bucked teeth.

The women, Jane, nodded and pointed to the bag, giving a wink behind her glasses.

“Of course I did! You little teenie boppers and tots need some sugar every now and then!”

Almost Every child in the room rushes up to her, and Sollux can’t help but notice Dave Strider hanging in the back trying to look cool.

“What the fuck thrider, aren’t you gonna go up there and get a treat?”

Dave flinches slightly at the question but tries to play it off.  
“Nope, not hungry, man.”

Sollux rolls his eyes and finds his feet moving towards the smell of baked goods.

Cupcakes.

Jane had brought them cupcakes, half were chocolate and the other half were vanilla. They were all homemade but looked professional, and there were miniature candy canes stuck in the icing.  
The smell alone was intoxicating, and the sight of them was sure to induce drooling. Then came the taste.

Sollux struggled in his mind to find words to describe them, they even seemed to make Nepeta forget about her worry for Gamzee. He noticed that Roxy’s eye kept drifting over to Dave, propped up in the corner, his eyes downcast. But Sollux didn’t give a damn, he didn’t know the guy, but chalked him down to being a dick.

“David, won’t you have a cupcake?”

It seemed Jane noticed the boys lack of eating as well, and now that she mentioned it out loud everyones eyes were on the mentioned boy.

“No.I don’t want a fucking cupcake.”

Dave spoke through gritted teeth, his body stiffened and his tightened his calloused hands into fists.

“Come on, Dave. They’re, like, really good!”

“Jutht leave him the fuck alone. If he doethn’t want a fucking cupcake then he dothn’t want a cupcake. After all, they do make you fat.”

Sollux tried to throw out a good hearted joke, lighten the mood, but he didn’t notice as Dave flinched and grasped at his stomach area, fingers tangling the red shirt. Although it was hard not to notice him storm out of the room, into the hallway, and slamming the door shut behind him.

Sollux blinked his dual colored eyes in confusion, looking around the room for an answer to this sudden outburst. All he was rewarded with was Roxy’s worried gaze directed at the door, Jane mumbling to herself as to whether she goes after Dave, or stay with the other kids, and the happy bucked tooth girl trading worried glances with the boy Dave had been playing foosball with.

“Ith anyone gonna tell me who the fuck pithed in hith cheerioth?”

The room stood silent, and Sollux released a defeated sigh. He dragged his feet walking out the door after a boy that he didn’t want anything to do with, and continued to the end of the hall. The bathroom door there was closed, and Sollux turned to leave but froze. He could hear gagging coming from the other side of the door. He stood there silently for a few moments confused and flat out shocked, lost in his own mind. The toilet flushed and the sink turned on, this was the moment Sollux panicked and fled down the hall and back into the playroom.

It’s not that he was embarrassed, but he felt like shit now, and didn’t want to deal with an awkward encounter on top of this crappy guilt feeling.

Seconds pass, those seconds become minutes, and the minutes pile on top of each other, until eventually the door everyone was staring at slowly opened.

The boy that seemed so confident and strong earlier, seemed paler, and he was shaking heavily, his face was shot and eyes bloodshot, making it appear as if the red of his irises had seeped out into thin rivers.

“What’s everyone staring at?”

His voice shook slightly, and anyone could tell he was straining to keep it as straight as it was.

“ Are...You alright, Dave?”

Bucktoothed girl was the only one to speak, and her high pitched voice didn’t seem so cheery anymore.

“Yup, had to piss.”

“Why’d you leave in such a rush? And slam the door?”

“Had to piss really fucking bad. Shit was like a waterfall. You know what I mean. The stream would not stop flowing for the life of me. It was just an endless cascade of piss. In fact I was getting sick of just standing there, I swore my legs were gonna give. But damn do I feel a fuckton better!”

Everyone traded glances, some confused, others skeptical and worried. But nobody was willing to speak up.

“Yo John, you up for another round of me beating your ass into the ground?”

Everything continued as it had before, without Gamzee, and Eventually the male staff returned.  
His name was Dirk.

The “peace” didn’t last long though, free time was over. Time for 30 minutes of room time before dinner.

“C’mon lil man, I’ll walk you to your room.”

Dirk had wrapped his arm around Dave's shoulder and directed him towards the stairs as everyone else was cleaning up.

Eventually Sollux found himself in his room as well. He had thrown himself on the bed and lay face down feeling guilty.

It sucked, how much everyone had to watch what they said here.

Fucking Triggers were everywhere.

**Author's Note:**

> If you guys want to see a character or ship in here tell me, I plan on having all characters make an appearance at some point.


End file.
